See Rock City!

For as many signs as I have seen about ROCK CITY, I have still never actually seen Rock City. For those family members in the north that have never been to the south...it appears that Rock City is a popular place down here. There are signs everywhere....mostly it is advertised on every big red barn along the country roads. In Tennessee we have no shortage of big red barns. That should be enough..but no. Southerners also have to have little bird houses made to look like red barns that they put up for display outside their house in the hopes of someday..upgrading to an actuall big red barn.

Last week we went to the Haunted Corn Maze....near....Rock City, but not actually in Rock City. And guess what...right in the middle of the whole spectacle...a big .....fat....red....barn. Guess what it said on the side of it...

The kids had a pretty good time. Valerie immediately proclaimed the place as a "just for kids" event. 15 minutes in...after she saw a few other 13 year olds having a good time and.....

"DAD CAN I GO ON THE SLIDE!??!..CAN I HAVE A POPCICLE!?!?!?!?"....yep...my bi-polar little girl.


Here she is on the slide..obviously depressed...











The boys on the other hand thought the guy cooking the popcorn in a kettle, was Superman reincarnated. There is actually a reason for this. On the nights that we watch movies, dad marches them off to the pantry to pick out a bag of microwavable popcorn and they of course scream...as to who is to actually place this "said bag of popcorn" in the mocrowave, so that we may watch it explode slowly for about 3 minutes through the viewable door. So, for about 3 minutes during the beginning of the movie...complete interest....then it's on to their favorite game of "Who can climb on the back of the couch the fastest and kick me in the back while pulling mom's hair for leverege", by Milton Bradley. MOVIE NIGHT IS AWESOME! ((polly asked me to put a picture in here of their popcorn addiction. Just click on the link above.))


So, after "popcorn man" told us of the 46
million BTU output of his kettle corn contraption and the fact that Orville Reddenbacher was in fact a wus with his whimpy little microwavable bags ...we walked the 100 yards to the maze. Here are the boys at the entrance. Jonathan is asking jacob to "move foot damnit"...







At this point Jonathan led the way. He would just venture in to the other groups of people and lead them as well. We have an expression in the south..."never greet a stranger". It basically means that you walk up to people and just start talking to them as if you have known them your whole life, with no need for the usual introduction. That's how he was acting that day. Mostly, he won't talk to anyone else and he scowls alot. Here is one of his gloom and doom moments... After turning the corner here... him and Jacob screamed obscenities at each other while fighting for the rights to push the green wagon. I basically won...because I'm alot taller than either of them, and let's face it neither of them can even pop a good wheelie with the thing so it was obvious that I should have control. I have footage of the scuffle and I'll be posting the whole event on YOUTUBE very soon.

After some walking and a freak load of corn later we were at a dead end..and there were these two middle aged guys actually throwing corn over to the next lane and trying to hit people..I'm not sure if they actually knew these people, or if they were just over the hill, juvenille dellinquents...I do know that Jacob was having none of it and tried to walk right through one of the men, incidentally ramming his head in to the mans backside and nearly pushing him forward into the corn while the man was in full throwing mode. I didn't actually know what was going on until Polly explained....I just saw a lot of commotion and two rednecks with corn husks in their hands saying "sorry" and seeing if they were ok...before they went back to pelting complete strangers with rock hard bricks of corn! That's another thing we are in no shortage of. Big Red Necks.